Personal Narrative

Jamie Solomon

Professor Miller

English 1000

January 26, 2011

Fear of Death

            “Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in,” Alan Alda. Okay, well that sounds boring. Who care’s about assumptions? Or even fear itself? I can assume whatever I want, and I will be fine. Yeah, well not really. When we don’t fully understand a situation, we make assumptions. It is a natural reaction to immediately fill in any unknown information by creating our own story. We do this because we want to make sense of situations. This isn’t always good. The problem with making assumptions is that false information can cause all kinds of complications, heightened emotions, anxiety, and so on.

            Now here’s a bigger problem. Fear and death, yeah, these guys don’t mix too well with making assumptions. When one comes in contact with the other, the situation just isn’t too pretty. Unfortunately, I had to realize this on my own, at the young age of thirteen. It was a beautiful night with my best friend Haley, when suddenly, I got the phone call of death.

“I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold, I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul,” my new ringtone by Jesse McCartney suddenly sounds. Number one hit of the week. Me and Haley scream so loud with pure bliss, we feel the alley of houses shake in the midst of darkness. After the quickest thirty seconds of our life, the song stops. “That’s weird,” we think. Before we know it, we hear the song again, even more excited than the first time. We jump so high in the air on the neighbor’s long driveway, as if we are trying to reach for the stars. Jumping and jumping, so happy, like a kid arriving to a candy store for his very first time. “I know that you, are something special, to you I’d be always faithful…” and then it stops, again. After jumping and screaming like little children for a couple of minutes, I finally walk up to my phone and see that I have four missed calls, one after the other. My mom called me four consecutive times, annoying. Who would want to hear from their parents at such a time where fun is in the air? Haley and I were having a blast, I didn’t just want to stop to call my mom back. As I walk back over, Haley asks me who calls. I tell her just my annoying mom, calling me over and over again, no big deal. The moment I am about to put my phone down again, another call. I think to myself, “Okay now this is a little weird, calling me for the fifth time now. What could this woman possibly want?” I finally give in, like a middle school kid being pressured to smoke for their first time. As bad as they know they really don’t want to, they finally do. And that’s why I did. I gave in, finally answered.

            “Uh, hello? What do you want mom?” The usual way I pick up my phone when one of my parents call me, annoyed. Just going to be another one of those pointless conversations, I think to myself. Suddenly I hear screams, yells, cries. My heart suddenly skips a beat. I know my mom is very emotional, but this time things seem a little off. Haley looks at me like my moms a psycho, hearing her loud voices, not understanding how I am holding the phone up to my ear. It is so loud, as if being in the front row of a rock concert, about to enjoy your last moments of hearing. Well anyways, my mom screams, “Jamie, its Arthur.” I freeze. Arthur is my little toy poodle, about seven pounds, hair resembles a whole bunch of curly fries, so cute. He’s like my little brother, that I always wish I had, but I say this because I have had him since the age of five, and now I am thirteen. I’m thinking to myself, ok, Arthur, well, what about him? Before the words could roll off my tongue, which I feel is turning numb at this point, she tells me that he got attacked by another dog. Out of the clear blue, without even realizing it, I feel tears rush down my face. Haley probably feels like she’s watching the Niagara Falls or something, it is this intense. I have one person on the phone going crazy, and Haley standing in front of me who thinks I am crazy. That’s beside the point. So now I am in panic mode. Right off the bat, I assume he’s dead. The black sky with the once beautiful, flashing, yellow stars starts to change. It’s so dark now. All I see is black everywhere. This cant be happening to me. Why me! My dog is my everything, my baby. I start to scream, “No, are you kidding me! What happened! Where is he? How did this happen?” I spit out every question imaginable, not even realizing what I was saying. Haley grew into panic, and rushed inside her house to get her family. She didn’t know what was going on, but picked up that something wasn’t right. “My dog is dead! Oh my gosh! My little Arthur is dead!” I begin to hit the ground, laying on the driveway like a kid throwing a temper tantrum. I don’t even care what anyone thinks at this point. I just want to lay, and cry, for goodness sake, give me a box of chocolate or something so I can eat my pain away while I’m at it. My body is filled with anxiety. It went from being at the base of a mountain, and shot sky high to the top of Mt. Everest. I start shaking, and feel so cold. My insides are torn up, all over the place, like the tornado that so happened to hit my room last week. I feel so lost, like an unsolvable maze.

            Forgetting my mom is on the phone, she continues, “Jamie, honey, he’s not dead sweetheart. He is in the hospital, but we are going to get him now. We will be there soon to come and pick you up.” I feel a little lighter after hearing that. The mere mention of death scares me and puts me into a deep panic, especially when it’s something so close and significant to me.

After so many tears, I feel like I am floating on a pond. The driveway is drenched, like a flood just passed. Haley and her family come rushing towards me to see what is the matter. I tell them about Arthur getting attacked, and they all gasp. They have three dogs who they treasure so much, so they knew this butterfly in your stomach kind of feeling that I am going through.

Being there was perfect. They were all hugging and kissing me. I felt so loved, I almost forgot what was the matter. How could I not enjoy this moment? I feel like a rock star, everyone reaching out for me, and lights flashing at me. I see a vision of me being on stage, crowd going crazy, and spotlight directly on me. After a couple moments of glory, I realize the lights are the headlights from my parents’ car.  Before I can get on my feet, my mom sprints towards me. I feel like I should move out of the way or something before I get tackled at the forty-yard line.

            She wraps her warm arms around me, and I feel so safe. We both cry on each others shoulder, which is so tense at this point. I wrap my arms so tightly around her, never wanting to let go. She walks me to the car to see Arthur. I find myself shaking again, and I feel so light headed. I am so hesitant to see him because I would hate to see the hurt in his eyes. This sickening thought kills me inside.

            We arrive to the car and my mom opens the door. I see my dog, and it’s bad, but I am so lucky to know that he is still alive, and was so strong through this whole traumatic experience. Seeing him be so strong helps lighten my mood, and I sit and think to myself.

            “If you don’t understand something, it is better for you to ask and be clear, instead of making an assumption.  The day you stop making assumptions you will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison.  Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable.” The moment I got in the car, and realized how I over reacted, I immediately played this quote by author Don Miguel Ruiz in my head. I came to the conclusion that I didn’t even pay attention to what my mom was saying on the phone, and assumed my dog passed away. I put myself through such unnecessary emotional trauma.

            This whole experience taught me a lot. I now know that when something happens, good or bad, I make sure to ask questions, and not assume. Assuming leads me down this dark, dark hole, and I just keep digging deeper and deeper, creating so much emotional stress for myself. Life is all about making choices. I can easily choose to go down the wrong path and create a living hell for myself, but I can easily take the other route as well and find peace, love and happiness. The second choice sounds good to me. And after experiencing all of this, I now know, “If it is to be, it is up to me!”

"Farm Girl" by Jessica Hemauer

1. Hemauer wrote this essay because she wanted readers to read about what her life was like growing up on a farm, and how she had to manage and take charge of her different lifestyle that no other kids had experienced. No matter if she was the "farm girl," or the girl that was so involved with school activities, she was always different, but knew how to manage her time wisely without being stressed. The main purpose, in my opinion, was to give to others what she had to experience, and that was learning responsibility and time management.
Different audiences may see different purposes depending on what interests them more about the essay. Some people may be more interested in her farm life, and others may be more focused on her school life, and then choose what the purpose is based on their own amusements. Also, different audiences could include those who manage their time well versus those who don't, and those who are responsible and/or irresponsible.

2. I think that her audience is for people who have troubles with time management, and just showing that its possible to be involved and work hard, but how you manage your time and becoming responsible is key. This can be supported in the last paragraph when she says "And every day people notice that i am different from the rest of my peers. At school, teachers and organization leaders are impressed by my time management skills and the amount of responsibility i take on." She then throws in a little comic gesture when her boss asks where he can find people with such commitment by saying "Try hiring some farm girls. I hear they turn out pretty good."

3. Hemauer establishes her ethos in this essay when she is told by her father that she doesn't have to work on the farm anymore and can be like a normal kid and participate in school. She becomes very involved, and when she thinks that by doing this she will fit in, she is mistaken because no matter if she was the farm girl or the president of the student council, she always had such commitment and went above in beyond in all her endeavors.

4. Hemauers responsibility to her readers is to show them that time management is very important, and that its possible to be very involved without being stressed. She shows that it is possible to be involved with many activities, its just about how you handle them. To her family, she plays a role as the youngest child and is used to being watched and protected, but she doesn't complain or anything. Its funny because even though she is the youngest, she is always the one who is most mature in situations.


5. Even though not everyone has been raised on a midwestern farm, many of the lessons that Hemauer has learned in her life on the farm have been taught to someone else one way or another. For example, when working on the farm with the new born, she grasps hold of a sense of control and being in charge. "When i feed the calves, i am finally the one in charge. It is a nice feeling, being on the opposite end of the spectrum. They are my responsibility." Many people in life, I'm sure, can relate to this quote, finally seeing life in a completely different view point. Finding a sense of maturity. Throwing in this lesson in relation to her life invites readers to relate to that sensation she went through of finally feeling responsible. Even though Hemauer found her feeling of control in a different way that many others may have, it gives the audience a time to sit back and think about their first moment of feeling this way, and think of their personal remembrances of growing up.


6.) Yes, I believe that any reader would be able to relate to Hemauer's experience because there are so many lessons learned and taught that I am sure everyone has gone through once in their life time.  Hermauer grabs the reader's attention by describing the farm life with concrete detail, which grabs readers attention, whether they grew up on a farm or not. People who have grown up on a farm can clearly relate, which reels them in to read more, and also those who haven't been raised on a farm I am sure are reeled in as well and would be interested to see what this lifestyle was like. 

7.) The significance of Hemauer's story, in my opinion, is that hard work pays off. When one works hard, it shows immense amounts of responsibility, and most of the time leads to success. How one also manages their time is key too, because proper time management can reduce amounts of stress in life tremendously. There can be many interpretations, but this is what I picked up from the story.

8.) Throughout her whole essay, Hemauer uses a lot of narrative details that make you feel as if you are in the setting, using all five of your senses. For example, "As soon as we open the door to the basement, we can smell the putrid aroma of cows that has seeped from our clothing into the damp cool air." I feel like I am there, walking beside her, smelling this scent, that personally makes me feel sick to my stomach. She really hits home with the sense of smell. She gives so many examples or smelling something, whether its the scent of cows or "The delicious smell of smoked bacon and cheese omelets grows more with each step," and she doesn't stop there. She continues with her sense of hunger, and reading this makes my stomach growl, and just feel the sensation of my taste buds watering with excitement. Everything that she describes uses so much detail!


9.) Hermauer uses dialouge in her essay only when necessary. There are moments where she just doesn't need to because her detailed descriptions fill in the gaps where dialogue would usually be necessary. Since this essay is mainly about her experiences growing up throughout her childhood, its not necessary to have much dialogue, besides the comments made to her throughout these experiences. To make up for this, there are a lot of clear sensory details, like describing the smell of the food, or how she feels every morning when she wakes up, etc.


10.) I read a blog entry titled "Just How Bad is That All-Nighter on Your Body Anyway?" by Kelci's College Life Blog. Her entry wasn't as detailed as Hemauer's, which was a little disappointing. I still got the message that Kelci was portraying to readers, but there weren't the concrete details that I had experienced while reading "Farm Girl." Kelci also used a lot of run-on sentences, which bore be, whereas Hemauer used a lot of quick sentences that got to the point, and made the story feel like it was reaching it's climax over and over again, filled with excitement!

Scott Russell Sanders-Chapters 1 and 2

1.    1. I think it is great to know a lot more and to keep an open eye for what is going on in our world, society, economy, but its one thing to know, and another to do something about it. It is cool, I guess, to learn about our struggling economy and how there are so many job losses, the population keeps growing, there’s more pollution, extinction, and the concern about global warming, but no major action is being taken. It does bring up great discussion and debate in classes at school, among families, with friends, etc., but its about time we stop talking, and we actually give our input to authoritative figures and make changes in this world. It’s so hard to have hope when there are so many failures, one after the other, and now we have to worry about things like the oil spills because of our careless mistakes. Its scary to hear talk about how the world is going to end in 2012, I don’t really believe in it myself, but hearing people get really into it and their beliefs gives me some what incentive that there is a possibility, which is scary. In my opinion, I think its important to live in the now, and stay present. What good will it do us to know that the world will end in a couple of years? It won’t do any good, unless we take action to prevent that from happening. People are living in fear, but it is key to not look in the future, but to stay present and worry about now and what we can do to make the world a better, cleaner, and safer environment. First, I think its very important for people to change their diet and not pollute their bodies. Living green is amazing. I myself can speak for this matter because for the past couple of months, I have been eating raw/living foods, where everything is grown naturally and organically from the earth, and I feel so connected to the world. One of the cons is that I am very sensitive to all the pollution in the world, radiation being a big one. Just talking on the phone alone gives me a headache because of all of the radiation that is admitted when holding a phone up to my ear. I feel that if we changed our diet and got rid of the foods like McDonalds that can actually give us diseases, it could help motivate people to want to go green and not pollute our earth. Life is seen in such a different manner, and this high that I have been living in is so immense that I wouldn’t want to give it up for anything. So in conclusion, I feel it is useless to know all of this information, watch the news, or hear all of the statistics of everything going wrong in our world if nobody is going to do anything to prevent all of this pollution from happening. It is a scary world we live in, but it will continue to be if we don’t do anything about it. It’s our time now.

2.    2. Exposition: In June, in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, specifically at Rocky Mountain National Park. The characters are the narrator, and his son, Jesse. (Later on are the guides for the raft trip and other people that are participating in another rafting trip).

Inciting incident: While hiking up the mountain, Jesse and his dad have many quarrels, and Jesse ends up leaving his dad by not waiting for him, and after being told something hurtful, goes to his dads car to wait.

Rising action: Talking things out in the car on the way to the Cache la Poudre, Jesse expressed how he feels about the way his dad views life, and how he always has to hold precaution, and can never just be a kid without having to worry.

Climax: Getting to the site and seeing that theres a bunch of people supposed to go, but eventually realizing that they are the only ones going on the wildest ride. Riding it was scary at moments, but the most treasured was when the dad was watching his son have such a good time, and getting flashbacks of when he was a kid.

Falling action: Having a tranquil ride back to the campground that was mainly silence, but a different kind of silence this time, “like a fullness rather than a void.”

Resolution: After arguing in the beginning of the story about where to camp, they compromise and sleep where its more bare and decide to climb with snowshoes the following day.

Denouement: Don’t take things too seriously, and let kids be kids. Its important to enjoy the little things in life and lighten up, and learn to make compromises rather than being selfish and only thinking about me, me, me!

            There were a lot of lessons to be learned in this essay, one being to lighten up and not take things so seriously. If we place all these rules and limitations on our kids, it makes them want to go into a frenzy, or the opposite and feel a sense of perfection all of the time. This is obviously unhealthy thinking. Although the father wasn’t really aware of how he was affecting his son, it should be learned through this that conscious talk and awareness is key to life. Words can really destroy people inside, whether the person who told them believes so or not. If we never make mistakes, how are we supposed to learn? Were not, so living in perfection is not ideal.

            Another great lesson in the essay is the importance of compromising. In the beginning of the story, both the father and his son, Jesse, were being stubborn, and wanted things to be their way. They were always getting into arguments, separating, and just didn’t have a healthy relationship because there was always this lack of communication. They both wanted to change one another, meanwhile the only person you can change in life is yourself. When they talk things out, this helps them to become closer, because they are communicating on a different level, and expressing what makes them hurt. This awareness helps build their relationship to where they learn to do what they both are interested in doing, and they end up having a really great time. Learning to communicate and express oneself is very important, and helps relationships grow.

Journal #2: Specific event that was exciting, filled with action.

     Have you ever loved a sport so much that you got so excited as you heard the mere mention of it? Or even something that rhymed with it? Started with the same letter as it? Now you get to play it, participate in it, get brought into a different state of mind that you never thought possible, where millions of particles just jump around your whole body, filling you with ecstasy. Excitement so immeasurable, nothing ever could grasp. Now you're finally in it, everyone is counting on you to win this four-hundred meter track trace. You take deep breaths through your little nose that's taking in so much oxygen, filling you will fuel. Heart rate goes up and as line up in the first lane, legs shaking like a child shaking a box of candy so intensively when told no. But nothing is letting you lose your focus, this moment is yours, and all of these external factors don't even phase you. "On your mark, get set," you kneel down and take one last look around the crowd, "Go!" This is the moment you have been waiting for. The meet before states and you have to qualify. Can't let all of the hard work you put into this day go to waste. You thought you would have more of a challenge, but the first two hundred meters were a piece of cake. You got this, nothing to worry about. Next one hundred meters, not a problem. All of a sudden you see the crowd. Everyone screaming, and then comes a pause, their mouths drop open, gasping for air. What could be going on? Right when you thought you had no competition, you see a little glare in the corner of your eye. Daniella Cordero, number two in the state, is not even a foot behind you. It's as if she slithered up on you like a snake in a swamp, you don't even know its there, so slick and smooth. All of a sudden it just snaps at you, but you can't let that scare you, you have to run and stay focused. This snake can't take control over your mind. Last fifty meters. She's there. You see her right next to you. You grunt, push and push, not even realizing you had this fire left in you. You take off. Can't let that snake catch you now. Last twenty-five meters. You push and push, the crowd is screaming so loud, you feel as if you're at a rock concert, about to go deaf. It's over. You won. You did it! First place. Not even getting a chance to breath before cameras are thrown at you, one after the other. When all the chaos is tranquil, you just smile. Smile at what you worked so hard for. States, here you come!

Annie Dillard

An American Childhood

By: Annie Dillard

#1. Describes the basic rules of football, and how it’s more of a mental game, and how important concentration is.

#2. Explains how the narrator plays baseball too, but when its not season time, she throws snowballs, which gets her in trouble.

#3. Describes the morning after Christmas, how it snowed a lot and it was a perfect opportunity to throw snow at cars.

#4. Identifies the boys that the narrator hangs out with and which ones her parents approved.

#5. Describes what the kids would do when a car came, and how excited they were that there was so much traffic.

#6. Describes the way the iceball looked that she rolled.

#7.  Explains what the children did when a Buick drove by and how they prepared before throwing their snowballs.

#8. Describes where the snowball hit on the Buick.

#9. Describes what the driver did after getting hit, and how he was the first to stop and get out of his car.

#10. Describes how the driver ran after the kids who threw the snowball at his car and what he was wearing and wouldn’t give up.

#11. Describes how the group of kids slit up and the man chose to chase the narrator and her friend Mikey Fahey.

#12. Explains the different streets the two of them ran on while being chased by the driver.

#13. Describes how the man wouldn’t let anything get in his way, he was on a mission, had a goal, and wouldn’t give up until it was achieved.

#14. Explains how the kids were running out of places to go or hide, and the man was catching up to them.

#15. Describes how the man finally caught them and grabbed them by their jackets.

#16. Explains how the three of them were just standing and knew it was done, and nobody would take off. Also describes physical appearances and how wet they got.

#17. Explains what the three were doing, standing and trying to catch their breath.

#18. Describes the first words the man spoke, “You stupid kids.”

#19. Explains how the narrator doesn’t care what the man has to say, but that she is surprised that this man could do what she thought only children could do.

#20. Describes how the narrator feels glorified about being chased, and compares it to any setting, that she felt high off of this feeling, and that what the man said had nothing to do with how she felt.

#21. Explains how the narrator would have died happy if beheaded because the chase was worth it to her. She then throws in something that throws you off, because it means nothing, when she wonders how he got back to his car.

           

            The story, An American Child,  by Annie Dillard, was very meaningful to her. She writes in the beginning of the story what ties into the end of the story, “But if you flung yourself wholeheartedly at the back of his knees-if you gathered and joined body and soul and pointed them diving fearlessly-then you likely wouldn’t get hurt, and you’d stop the ball,” Dillard. Her point is that its important to never give up, and when you have your mind set on something, you must concentrate and you will succeed.

            In the story, the man who was driving the Buick had a mission. He wanted to catch the kids who had been throwing snowballs at his car. The narrator thinks that her and her friends will get away, because they have their minds set on getting away, and doesn’t think its possible for adults to do the same. Well was she in for a ride or what. After being chased through blocks, fences, backyards, and countless roads, the man catches us to the narrator and her friend Mikey. Both caught by surprise, the narrator and Mikey don’t even pay attention to the useless words that the man shares after he catches them, but they are taken away by the whole principal that the man had his mind set on getting them, and achieved what he wanted.

            In life, everything is in the mind. If you tell yourself you are going to do something, you are most likely going to get the job done. All it takes is focus and concentration, and you would be surprised with the results.

Analysis of "Sight" by Rebekah Beall

The essay, Sight, by Rebekah Beall, in my opinion, was detailed and played close attention to the little things that the majority of the population wouldn’t even recognize. Fro example, “The parking lot is nearly empty, lit with broad pools of yellow light. It reflects in long gleams on the smooth hoods of cars of workaholics…You were first kissed in this light, parked in front of your parents’ house,” Beall. I don’t know about other people, but that’s not the first thing that would cross my mind when I walk into an empty parking lot. The author shows the importance and significance of each setting in the essay. This light isn’t just any light, but relates to many memories and past events, or possible events, that crossed her mind, or that she believes will cross others minds. She really wants you to get her point, and portrays this through her vivid imagery, that makes your feel what she is trying to say. The author seems to have many fears in life, and scared of the unknown. As she scrambles in her house, she makes sure to “Retrieve the baseball bat from next to your bed and go from door to door, window to window testing latches. Unbolt and re-bolt the front door, tug on the chain to see that it’s still solid,” Beall. This is only part of the process that the author describes the narrator goes through when arriving to her dark home. Everything seems to be done in an organized fashion, and always some sort of a routine, with a lot of paranoia. Life or death situations like “Tell yourself life depends on this, on the concentration required to create a long, perfect paring,” that require such perfection. The narrator seems on edge most of the time.

            The narrator seems to have a great passion for nature. The only interests in television shows were about nature and our planet, and it’s evident why when the author goes on about the heron. Very observant, the author picks up great detail of the heron and its movements, behaviors, habitat, way of being, and lifestyle.  You get a clear visual of how this heron goes by day by day; how it catches its prey, and as far as how it swallows its prey, and there’s a great mental visual of that. This sight that I am given is so vivid, I feel as if I am there in person, or watching some documentary. I pick up that the narrator is very smart, especially in the field of nature and the environment, and relates its animals to humanly characteristics. Then the author goes on to talk about the body, and how sensitive we can be, and certain characteristics to relate to that. Every example in this essay is so vivid and clear, that the site that pops into my mind is so creative and diverse. There’s two sides to every situation mentioned, whether to do something or not, but the author chooses the more risky, and brave option. She makes it seems scary and dark, but always ends up following through with the unknown and mysterious. My overall analysis and what I got from this is pretty much what you get form the title, Sight, and the many things that you can see with this so-called sight. Its an amazing sense that we have, and the concrete details that she exemplifies in the essay portray this great capability. 

Journal entry #1: Create definition about hope, and specify a memory involving hope

Hope, to me, is having faith, believing in oneself, or someone else. It's having courage, being positive, and open-minded. It's about having faith that one will overcome something good, or something bad in one's life.
Hope was necessary for me for an event that happened about a couple of years ago. My boyfriend, that I was dating at the time, committed suicide. I thought that my life was going to come to an end, and I felt so empty inside. Not physically, but mentally. I was so mentally distraught. This memory took me down to the deepest, darkest hole, and I never thought I would be able to climb out. Light at the end of the tunnel seemed unthinkable. But I couldn't let this selfish act take over my life. I had to find hope within myself to move past this, and continue to make the best out of my life. Not going to lie, this event was like standing at the base of a mountain, looking to the very top, wondering if I should climb it or not. Over time, I found hope, and that mountain was mine. I have and will continue to climb the mountain, until I reach the absolute peak, to the point where there is no more climbing to do, and I can finally say, I overcame this traumatic event, and did it because I found hope.

Personal Intro Blog...{All about me =)}

My name is Jamie Nicole Solomon, and I am 18 years old, I will actually be 19 in two days. I am from south Florida, and I was born and raised there, so living up here in the north is quite a change for me. I have always loved the outdoors, and have been involved in sports since I'm three years old. I love to exercise, mainly to think and clear my mind, but running with a buddy is always something that brings joy to me. I really enjoy going to the beach and playing football with my guy friends, since most girls don't really like to play, at least where I am from. I have one twenty-four year old brother, Jared, and a twelve year old sister, Sarah. I live with them along with my parents and my two dogs, Arthur and Mikey. Well that's just a little about me in a nut shell =)